Got Bias? the myth of the meritocracy

This piece was rejected by The Recorder with I thought an appropriate and concise email: "Thank you very much for your submission. While it is a very creative approach to addressing the issues of bias and racism, I don’t feel it will speak directly to our readers." The Recorder's readers are lawyers, after all, and their creativity is limited...as is their interest in addressing their own bias, so I was hopeful, but I was not surprised (one of my attorney friends said, "OMG! I hope they publish it. The Recorder is the most boring, dry publication ever!"). Ah, pues. I haven't heard from Salon.com and submitted three weeks ago, so I've printed my article here. I am simply too lazy to search for another publisher...and it's hard to fight for something I don't really think will make a difference.

Got Bias?




    It wasn’t the first time I dreamt that I was a White guy, but it was the first time I had a girlfriend. She was almost a redhead if the light hit her just right, but really, she was a brunette with curly locks that cascaded halfway down her back. We were driving - well, I was driving - a road trip of unknown duration to an unknown location, but despite the sun shining brightly and me feeling certain we had just hit the road, it was already feeling like a very long day.


    After she finished putting on way too much make-up for such a journey, she pulled out a can of hairspray and mid-sentence fumigated the passenger seat. As I choked on the drifting fog, I complained, “Don’t put on hairspray in the car!” An argument ensued. It felt typical.


    I knew where we were on the interstate, the neighborhood that Whites like myself avoided at all costs, but I exited anyway, tired of the bickering and the frilly girlfriend I never thought of leaving. I pulled into the parking lot of some local bar, a place connected to my consciousness by a large, dingy sign that stood high enough to be seen from the freeway. When I walked through the front door, I went from nervous to edgy.


    All (four) of the patrons and the three bartenders were Black. An old man at a rickety round table looked up slowly and locked his gaze. One by one, they stared at us ... all except for one large bartender who was more concerned with cleaning beer mugs.


    My girlfriend sped toward the bathroom, no doubt eager to vacate the main hall to tend to her grooming. I sauntered over to the bar, trying to seem like nothing was amiss. The one bartender stopped cleaning glasses, looked up casually, and said, “That’s your girlfriend? She’s cute.” How I yearned to seem cool to these Black guys. Was this my chance? I replied, “You like her? You can have her!”



 
   Wait, is this the story that will make the difference? ....



    "When were these pictures taken?" he asked. "Right after the accident?"


    "No, Your Honor. I believe they were taken in May of the following year."


    He shook his head at me in disdain.


    "I never claimed damage to my vehicle," I explained. "Defendant's insurance company filed a claim against mine and sent an adjuster." He rolled his eyes and continued to sway his head from side to side. I was so confused. It was the person who rear-ended me while I was at a full stop who then filed a claim against me through his auto insurer and whose adjuster found damage I never asserted. No, it doesn’t make sense, but the nonsense is not my own doing. .... Besides, we were there for my pain and suffering from the consequent whiplash, so why the hostility about something not in dispute? Why, ultimately, award me only $500 for a year and a half of uncontested symptomatology that cost over $7000 to treat?


    Then I remembered....


    Oh, right, I’m Black.


    .... That will definitely not make the difference.



    My boss fired me after my supervisor told me to “act Blacker” and I complained of discrimination, admitting she was motivated by my recitation of employment rights. The arbitrator ruled against any finding of race-based retaliation or discrimination....



    No....



    My supervisor at Legal Aid (!) pushed me down on a couch during an office party demanding a “sexual massage”....



    No....



    Your data suggest:


    a strong automatic preference for Fat People compared to Thin People


    a strong automatic preference for Dark Skin compared to Light Skin


    a slight automatic preference for Gay People compared to Straight People


    a slight automatic preference for Abled Persons compared to Disabled Persons

    
a moderate association of Female with Science and Male with Liberal Arts compared to Male with Science and Female with Liberal Arts



    Heavy sigh. It will have far greater impact on people for them to take their own Project Implicit ® preferences tests than to read my self-analyses.

    Okay, how about instead we try this out for size:



    Imagine you are casting a few films with any stars (or D-listers) you want. Whom do you pick for the following? Yes, I mean for you to write the names down as you go. Descriptions are okay, too, e.g., “co-star of Thursday night romantic comedy show.” You will know whom you mean.



    Independent Soldier -  Disguised as a lieutenant in the Confederate Army, this “independent soldier” joins up with a regiment just in time to fight at the Battle of Bull Run, and the following year in 1862 is arrested for being a possible Union spy, cleared of the charges ... but guilty?



    role of soldier:      

    ________________________________________________________

    No. 10 - Not many passengers slept through the 1912 collision of RMS Titanic with that infamous iceberg, but one awakens afterward to knocking on the cabin door and the second-class call, “Put on your life vest!” After three times being turned back trying to make way to the lifeboats, our passenger manages to slip past a guard and fill the last seat on Lifeboat No. 10.


    role of passenger:

    ________________________________________________________
 


    An All-American Jedi - A graduate of Queens College, this former NYPD cadet lived for football and Star Wars until the morning of Sept. 11, 2001. When terrorists strike the twin towers, this newly hired Howard Hughes Medical Institute researcher and biochemist bravely rushes to the site to assist victims ... and disappears. For weeks afterward, family members search desperately until in March 2002, remains are identified in the rubble of Ground Zero.


    role of hero:     

    ________________________________________________________



    A Hero Comes Home - Born in Alabama as the youngest of three children, this eventual astronaut is introduced to the world of science by a cherished uncle. But before launching into space, our young scientist must return from a Cambodian refugee camp.


    role of astronaut:  

    ________________________________________________________
 

 
    Spelled Just Like It Sounds - A patent lawyer with a multi-syllabic last name waits anxiously on election night as votes are tallied for the position of Superior Court judge. Losing previous races for rent board member and transit commissioner as well as a judge’s seat two years prior, will this time be the charm?


    role of lawyer: 

    ________________________________________________________ 



    If you’re anything like the participants of my workshop at the recent Leadership & Social Justice Conference, you have overwhelmingly chosen White males under 40 years of age to lead these productions. In fact, Independent Soldier is about Loreta Janeta Velazquez, a Cuban born woman of 20 years at the time she disguised herself as a man and went into battle. No. 10 in real life stars Masabumi Hosono, a Japanese man of 42 years. An All-American Jedi stars Mohammad Salman Hamdani, a Pakistani-American man of 24 years. A Hero Comes Home is about Dr. Mae Jemison, an African-American woman who was 22 years old when she volunteered at the camp in Thailand and 36 years old when she traveled into space. Spelled Just Like It Sounds stars Victoria Kolakowski, a Male-To-Female Polish-American transgender of 50 years when she was elected to the bench.

    By now, I would think the majority of people understand the problems of bias and how they effect hiring, expectations, performance, justice, politics, socialization, and economy. But I suspect most people think these problems are of “them”, not “us”, not “me”. Perhaps this little exercise inspired a moment to ponder your Self? I hope so.

    If nothing else, dreaming of being that particular White guy finding myself in a Black neighborhood bar taught me biases are not always catapulting from a bad place but sometimes from the very human place of needing to fit in, be accepted, feel safe and valued. The impact is obvious: in my (dream) case, racism and misogyny, but if I’d only known what I was doing - and why - I could have alleviated if not prevented the damage.



    Maybe that understanding will make the difference for all of us....

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America's Kathleen Antonia: saving The People's packages, one blog at a time

I must admit one thing before I begin: I friggin' hate stupidity. I resent it, blame its carriers for it, fly into a (generally unspoken) rage when around it, stew in my own irate and hateful juices as I try to talk myself down from the annoyance and intolerance of it. I know I have an attitude problem. Yet when it comes to the stupidity of the United States Postal Service, my rage breaks through to laughter, uncontrollable amusement at just how friggin' stupid its employees can be sometimes. I wish all of my rages were so shepherded.

A quick preview: if you've ever had your packages go missing because a USPS carrier delivered them not to your mailbox but to your porch or stairway or building lobby, read on. I believe a class action lawsuit is in the making. If you just like reading bitter and sarcastic writings by well educated dramatists, well, you might get something out of this missive, too.

The Story: I love the USPS staff in Oakland, California. There's where my nice words end. The Bicentennial Branch staff in Los Angeles lost my payment in the mail (can you believe that?) and closed my P.O. Box even after the bank called the Branch to reissue payment and say, "We sent the check to you three months ago." The Yelps make me feel better <http://www.yelp.com/biz/us-post-office-bicentennial-los-angeles> except for some foolishness of a positive note that convinces me it was planted. Then there's the Rogers Park Branch in Chicago, Illinois. According to its own Mary Jones, a parcel I sent via Amazon was stolen from an apartment building lobby where it was intentionally left by the route carrier, and yet USPS staff stands hard by the notion that any uninsured parcel does not qualify for reimbursement. Eh-hem:

USPS Domestic Mail Manual Section 508 (Recipient Services), Subsection 1.2 (Carrier Release for Uninsured Parcels): "An uninsured parcel may not be left in an unprotected place, such as a porch or stairway, unless the addressee has filed a written order, or the mailer has endorsed the parcel 'Carrier-Leave If No Response.'"

A lobby is an unprotected place, especially one USPS identifies as belonging to a “highrise apartment building”. If a parcel may not be left in the stairway outside of someone's apartment, then certainly it "may not" be left further out in a highly trafficked lobby. Seems easy, right? Well, logic has apparently run out of fashion at USPS.

After my initial request for reimbursement for the stolen parcel, my first raging chuckle came when USPS Domestic Claims Supervisor Autria Finley denied the claim and upheld her decision on appeal. Yes, that's right. She reviewed her own decision and, surprise, decided that she had made the right one. At the next stage of appeal, I choked on another laugh when USPS Consumer Research Analyst D. Davis rendered her denial without ever addressing the internal regulation referenced above (as neither had Ms. Finley). Then came the phone call from Mary Cruz, referred to me because - as she tried to stop saying - I “escalated to headquarters” (she really wanted to say I “inquired with headquarters”, but that's so hard to do when I keep asking questions that go unanswered and refuse to stop asking them).

Ms. Cruz stated USPS had no obligation to approve my claim because of the Federal Tort Claims Act, 28 USC 2680(b): "The provisions of this chapter and section 1346 (b) of this title shall not apply to—Any claim arising out of the loss, miscarriage, or negligent transmission of letters or postal matter." However, as the United States Supreme Court explained in Dolan v. USPS (2006) 546 U.S. 481 “Congress intended to retain immunity, as a general rule, only for injuries arising, directly or consequentially, because mail either fails to arrive at all or arrives late, in damaged condition, or at the wrong address.” Id. at 489 (emphasis added). In Birnbaum v. United States (1978) 588 F.2d 319, the Court stated, “[t]he language of the exception itself indicates that it was not aimed to encompass intentional acts”. Id. at 328. How can the violation of an internal regulation be anything other than an intentional act? Carriers are responsible for knowing Section 508 of the Domestic Mail Manual, and it bears no weight if its violation doesn’t have consequences. How could it go unenforced? That wouldn't make sense. Well....

Ms. Cruz stated that USPS “give[s] carriers jurisdiction” to make subjective interpretations of regulations regarding residential delivery and cited the Carrier Handbook, M-41 Section 741.4 (street work): "if the article is too large to be placed in the mail receptacle, return it to the post office and leave a completed Form 3849. Place the notice in the receptacle." I'm not sure how that helps do anything but boost the regulated obligation of carriers NOT to leave packages just any ol’ where. Ms. Cruz added that if the carrier deems the area safe, the Domestic Mail Manual is 
“not followed unless something happens”. That something is by that reasoning never a USPS regulation, and apparently notifying the carrier months prior that packages left in the lobby had been tampered with is also not "something happening". That something must, according to Ms. Cruz, be a written request to leave delivery notices instead (note that Form-1000 is not acceptable to USPS to give notice, and there is no such form for matters involving theft or tampering; according to Ms. Cruz, you must deliver your own written request -- please keep a copy, folks). When that something happens, then USPS sends out an assessment team. Are they kidding? This is how they spend their dollars?

So instead of following the Domestic Mail Manual and Carrier Handbook which state that carriers must leave delivery notices and not packages (outside of the mailbox) unless the addressee or mailer authorizes it, USPS’s interpretation of governing rules is that a carrier shall not leave a delivery notice unless the addressee or mailer files a written request or report. ... wait, I got ahead of myself; USPS isn’t actually interpreting its regulations at all. It’s doing what reminds me of Lily Tomlin’s “Ernestine” on SNL: “We don't care. We don't have to. We're the [Post Office].”

Isn't it cheaper for USPS to just leave the notices that its regulations call for? How on earth can USPS compete with UPS, DHL, and FedEx when its basic position is that its carriers can leave your packages in trash cans or at the curb or on the bus and still not be liable? I would hope that the agency would get it together. .... Ahahahahahhahahahahaha! Ah, I made myself laugh again. What USPS does recognize is that carriers must provide reliable and efficient service (M-41 Section 112.1: “Federal statutes provide penalties for persons who knowingly or willfully obstruct or retard the mail. The statutes do not afford employees immunity from arrest for violations of law.”). If nothing else, there is your route for satisfaction. A carrier knowingly violating USPS regulations is knowingly retarding the mail.

Anyway, for those of you who want to "escalate" the issue of your recklessly endangered packages, I hope this helps. As for my saga, Ms. Cruz said she would get me in touch with someone in Legal more than two weeks ago, and I've heard nothing (before you can file a complaint before the Postal Regulatory Commission, you have to engage all levels of appeal and try to settle the matter with the General Counsel, Mary.anne.gibbons@usps.gov as I understand her to be). What will I do now? Who knows? I feel like I'm watching "Idiocracy", and I sure did get a number of good laughs out of that film. Lord knows I need to practice laughing at stupidity rather than my usual. We'll see. I'll keep you posted ... but not Post-ed; you might never see or hear from me again.

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Fist Bump, the Witch is Dead! Which Ol' Witch? The WICKED

There should be no celebration, private or otherwise, over someone's death. It's appalling. Will people fist bump when Dick Cheney dies? As much as I hate him, I certainly hope not. I'm also old enough to remember Junior High school students whooping and celebrating Ronald Reagan getting shot. Furthermore, it seems that the current celebration over Osama Bin Laden's death is more over murder (i.e., revenge killing) than death. If Bin Laden had died from a heart attack, who would have jumped up and down? When Pol Pot died, Americans didn't budge. When Roosevelt died - a man who ordered the interment of hundreds of thousands of Japanese Americans - there was no celebration, neither when Truman passed away after having murdered over 200,000 civilians in Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Folks have got to ask themselves why they're so ecstatic. A dear friend of mine escaped the South Tower on 9/11/2001. Shortly after 9/11, a friend from Jordan lost his job and moved back to the UK because of all the hate Americans vomited toward anyone who "looked Arab". When Bin Laden was killed, his wife was critically injured. People who awoke to the shocking sounds of the raid will suffer nightmares as eventually will the Navy Seals of Team 6. Yeah. Let's celebrate. Whoopee.

Brown, Velina. Casting Call to Arms, Theater Bay Area (March 2011) -- Kathleen Antonia, uncut

 Velina Brown, by the way, is a smart, talented, passionate delight. I applaud her impetus to write on the subject of non-traditional casting and its role in modern entertainment. I thank her for plugging my documentary Getting Played and for utilizing me as a resource in the first place. Some of the quotes may feel out of context, and because of inevitable and pending questions, I have opted to reprint my e-interview. The italicized text is reserved for Velina's questions, the bold text my answers. The article itself online at "Casting Call to Arms", Theater Bay Area (March 2011). Any questions? Comment away!

I was wondering if you would be willing to share opinions or experiences regarding non traditional casting?

            non traditional casting definitions:
            1. placing a non-white in a role not specially written for a non-white actor (New York Times 1993)
            2. "use of actors of any race, sex, ethnicity or degree of disabilities in roles for which such factors are not germane to the development of stage characters or the play" (Washington Post 1987)
            3. fair hiring (common "law")
            4. "an aberrant idea that has never had any validity" (August Wilson)

I'm not sure there is any agreed upon definition of "non-traditional casting". Regardless, when I think about it, the first thing that comes to mind is, "It's a lie." It's an elitist concept, a token handout by the powerful to the powerless ... do I dare make a comparison between offering the house to a field slave? Maybe that's too far into the negative, but for certain NTC is not the noble concept it's presented as.

Do you think it's still an important issue?

What's important about the issue is that "traditional casting" continues in spite of lip service being given to equal employment opportunity and equal protection, at least in the United States. The USA's entertainment industry is a reflection of all that is wrong with unbridled, free market capitalism, a dynamic the Constitution itself is meant to protect against. If audiences want ("want" is debatable) "traditional" leads, stories, and characters, the profit driven Industry serves them up, but the problem is that doing so fails to establish bona fide qualifications for the jobs available and in that violates U.S. law. Crews, talent, writers ... they are workers who are entitled to employment based upon their skills. They should not be penalized for age, race, disability, gender, etc..

Is there still work to be done or do you feel that the strides that have been made are sufficient?

There is a lot of work to be done. Given our celebration of Rosa Parks for actions thousands of people took before her - seventy years after Ida B. Wells sued over Jim Crow transit - it looks like it's going to be a long road. Given also that talent who draw attention to the issue suffer additional employment penalties by the Industry powerful, most of the work is going to have to be courageous and supported. For example, productions headed by EEO ("Equal Employment Opportunity") or First Amendment supporters should actively seek out talent who put themselves and their careers on the line to speak for equal employment opportunity. As an entertainment community, we need to help all workers feel like they can express their opinions without so much fear of the consequences.

Do you agree with the concept of non traditional casting? Not everyone does.

I agree with the concept expressed by the Washington Post that if certain demographics are not germane to the characters or play, then they should not be considered when casting. I happen to think it's illegal to consider them, but that's what being a lawyer will do to you. I also agree that certain demographics can (rarely) be germane to some stories and characters, and in those circumstances there is a bona fide reason for casting only talent with those qualifications.

Non Traditional casting, Color Blind Casting, American Casting do these all sound like the same thing to you?

I don't think all of these terms sound like the same thing. I've said my fill of "non-traditional casting". "Color blind casting" is as limiting as it is foolish; color isn't the only category of Industry discrimination that requires remedy, and no one is color blind nor should one be color blind. E.g., you should notice that men of Asian ancestry are rarely cast as romantic leads unless the entire cast is Asian. One should be color sighted enough to contemplate opportunities that might break down the horrendous stereotypes that burden us as a society. As for "American casting" ... what does that mean? Casting according to the demographics of the city in which the workers are hired? In Los Angeles, that means principal roles should be more than 50% filled by women and people of color since that's what the City looks like. When does that happen in mainstream media?

If you feel that there still work to be done how do you think it needs to happen? Raising consciousness? Rules? Boycotts? Other ideas?

I think that audiences need to be aware of how the Industry operates, how productions get greenlighted, and how many great works never make it off the paper and great talent never make it onto the screens. "Traditional" stories and characters result from purposeful actions. That being the case, federal and state governments need to enforce Equal Employment Opportunity and Equal Protection laws in the Industry. Performers unions should adopt and enforce the Bona Fide Occupational Qualification as part of their contracts. Audiences need to entertain themselves with work that hires more fairly and avoid productions that don't.

That said, I don't have a lot of hope. I produced a documentary "Getting Played" about Industry EEO, and certainly it is clear that the powerful don't want to be "forced" to hire "non-traditional" talent. Producers want to make money, and they want to create a world that doesn't challenge their thinking, certainly one that doesn't suggest they are unfair or prejudiced. The U.S. government seems content turning a blind eye to Industry operations, probably because of massive profits that it doesn't want to risk by requiring hiring practices that apply to every other business ... American businesses, I should repeat, because Chinese companies were reported as hiring White male Westerners to seal business deals, talent only to suggest that the companies were of strong global presence and influence. Heavy sigh.

As for my own experiences, I haven't yet considered talent demographics for my casting although I am writing a feature where one of the characters must be of a certain race and gender for the story to work ... of course, talent must simply be able to look like that race and gender regardless of actual "biology". Every other role in my script goes to whomever auditions best, a very diverse "dream cast"in my mind as I write. Quite frankly, if it were ever to come down to two for a male romantic lead and one of the auditioners is of obvious Asian ancestry, that's who I would hire, but that's because I believe I have an obligation to counter stereotypes ... realizing that after I write, casting may no longer be entirely up to me.

As talent myself, I have been gifted with so many opportunities to work with such fantastic production teams, but frankly, I have rarely played a character that wasn't specifically of a particular race and gender. I was even fired from a musical once for not playing a character Black enough. There are a lot of issues that experience brings up in addition to the fact that while gender and age were germane to that story, race was not, certainly not whether talent could pull of some stereotype that audiences would appreciate. The issue is generally not, however, getting dropped from a production but instead never getting hired or even an opportunity to audition in the first place. In addition to actual employment, there are significant emotional costs of living lives that aren't given equal chances to flourish. Acting is my fourth career of choice: (1) playing defensive right tackle in the NFL - blocked (no pun intended) by my gender; (2) flying combat for the U.S. Navy - it dates me, but again, blocked by my gender; (3) practicing law - successful in earning a J.D. and passing the California Bar, but too much sexual harassment of a very physical nature persuaded me to quit; and (4) acting ... which will end from lack of employment? I'm sure giving voice to my opinions means I should be looking for career #5, but at the end of the day, who among us wants occupations to be chosen based upon what others think of particular demographics? Probably no one would say affirmatively so, yet this is what we as a society demand everyday, not only in entertainment but in life. How else can we change this dynamic but by changing the images we are fed, the images that shape our thoughts and feelings? I would hope a majority of us could decide we are all worth it.

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Sasshole

Intentional asshole is failing. I was going to write about a week of my successes, but on Sunday, I returned a wallet I found on the stairs at 24 Hour Fitness to the front desk. On Monday, I told someone pulling into a nearby parking space that my meter was jammed with a quarter, thus parking was free. On Tuesday, I sent an email to Dr. Oz promoting a friend’s blog. Wednesday, I submitted a report on a smoking vehicle. Thursday, I carpooled. You get the idea.

So, I’ve decided to Monday night quarterback and see these experiences instead as half full: on Thursday, I drove rather than took public transportation thus further advancing global warming; on Wednesday, I sent some stranger at the very least a hard time with the DMV and probable expense during recession; on Tuesday, I bought into the corporate machine; on Monday, I kept revenue from the City’s cache; and on Sunday ... well, I still can’t figure out how to spin that into being an asshole somehow, but the week as a whole looks more promising in hindsight.

I’ve been sent requests to write about various asshole behavior: White people giving unwelcoming looks to people of color on “their turf” (golf course, tennis court, etc.); basketball players earning outrageous sums to throw a ball around; insurance adjusters denying legitimate claims. But I just want to summarize my week - my half empty, half full week: assholes don’t think they are being assholes. They spin their actions into benevolence.

With such fantasy, reality can never change.

So what asshole thing have you done this week? I’d follow up by asking what you’re going to do to ensure it doesn’t happen again ... but you’re an asshole. You’re going to keep on doing what you’ve always done. Aren’t we all?

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Dreaming of the Asshole I Could Have Been

Part 1

By all historical accounts, people are the same assholes they’ve always been. It’s why Earth is such a difficult place to live. One asshole cuts you off in morning traffic without using a signal (such a hard thing, using a signal, what with its mechanism being right next to one’s hand and all), another asshole swears you’re the dumb-ass because you gave her $1.01 to pay for a 76¢ purchase, another one declares the 14th Amendment doesn’t apply to women or homosexuals.

This assholeness is nothing new.

Introspection and reasoning are not common skills among humans ... “humans” because ironically, “people” seems to be the word that connotes humanity, a trait that simply does not apply. There are countless laws and rules, yet humans still argue that we are benevolent somehow. Then why do we need a law, say, against murder? Wouldn’t its incompatibility with humane society be obvious to the benevolent? It should be so with any just law, but no; instead, humans need someone to hold their hands and say, “Poor asshole(s). I know that when you want it, taking something seems right, but it is really important that what you take doesn’t belong to someone else.” The humans in question won’t be listening, by the way.

It doesn’t help that we set up systems that reward asshole behavior while deterring humanitarian actions. A friend of mine who is eager to complain about corporate person-hood recently revealed that he was one of The Gap’s henchmen who strong-armed merchants to lower their prices ... from 7 cents a shirt to 2, goods that are then sold in-store for upwards of 35 dollars each. He does not seem to recognize the reach of his contribution. Like all asshole employees who keep asshole companies in the black, he downplays his role, justifies it based upon his need for a paycheck. Corporations cannot exist without the assholes who work for them ... but that’s math, and humans are generally not very good at math.

I was at a party once with some asshole human chasing me around the room seeking redemption for having kept a wheelchair from an elderly disabled woman. It was this human’s job as an insurance adjuster to be an asshole to others in need. I guess she thought that because I was helping disabled veterans obtain benefits from the Department of Veterans Affairs, somehow I could free her from her emotional bondage. Instead I said, “You know you’re going to hell, don’t you?” How I wish I actually believed in hell. She continued following me, trying to catch my eye and the moment I changed my mind, but on behalf of that elderly disabled woman - who died before ever being able to successfully appeal the wheelchair denial - that asshole human got nothing from me but disdain. For that act, I have never made a profit. This is how I know the world is crap.

If you want humans to contribute to the humanity of people, then systems have to profit those contributions. We pretend we’re not animals, not shaped by the carrot and the stick, but that’s a lie. We are programmed and programmable like every other mammal. It’s very hard to counter that nature, so we absolutely must set those mechanisms in place that will develop a more humane species. Non-profit attorneys, for example, should earn more than corporate attorneys. Why? Because they are actually boosting humanity, and we want humans to prefer that choice over boosting greed and deception. ... wait, I hear someone arguing that corporations boost humanity by helping the economy and creating jobs, and I know I don’t have it in me right now to explain that every resource we need and use is already on Earth - where we happen to live - and money is absolutely unnecessary except as (wasteful) motivation for human workers to access and share these resources who if they were in fact so smart, rational, and reasonable would not need such a red herring in order to team up and get the needed jobs done ... and I mean “needed” jobs, like food harvesting and distribution, home construction, education. I’m sorry, but liposuction is the calling card of imbeciles in a world that is headed for environmental perish. Humans that claim to need corn chips and the neon signs that advertise corn chips and the individual and Costco size bags of corn chips more than everyone’s subsistence ... well, what I said to the insurance adjuster goes double.

Do you realize humans have spent more money entertaining themselves with movies depicting Extinction Level Events than they have ensuring prevention of such actual occurrences? Do you realize what it means that you never thought of that before?

Speaking of liposuction, when I was a (fat) child, I said to a neighbor, “Wouldn’t it be great if you could use a vacuum to suck the fat out?” I also thought of the nail polish pen and a host of other inventions I regarded as far afield of utilitarianism, and so the profits went into the pockets of others. I also turned down corporate law practice to earn at best 20% of potential earnings in civil and human rights advocacy, turned down a $250 million purse to box in Vegas, and rejected the dollars of every veteran client who ever tried to pay me for my services. I decided to make humanitarian decisions, rejecting those possibilities I believed would contribute to the very ills for which I had such contempt. In a Darwinian environment that rewards the assholes who invade lands and sell potions and lie their way to riches, thus designating “The Fittest” as those who are the least humanitarian, the least connected to the plights and struggles of others, the most prone to violent oppression and destruction, I chose nonviolence.

My choice doesn’t change anything. Humans are too much of a bad thing to set off course.

I have regrets.

The struggle of surviving in a world dominated by assholes leaves you with more than just a depleted bank account. The emotional toll is also immensely costly. I’ll spare you the details; let’s just say that at this point in my life, I regret not being the great asshole I might have and surely would have been under better circumstances. What if I had continued my youthful experience with privilege and gone to Stanford instead of UC Berkeley where my undeserved run-ins with racism and misogyny inspired me to eradicate the experience of oppression for others? What if I hadn’t been derailed by gender discrimination from my original career goals of playing in the NFL or flying combat jets for the Navy? Surely I could have been not only much more successful at assholeness - and thus, profit - but also I would likely never have developed the conscience that whispers to me in my sleep, “Don’t be an asshole!” and “Do something to stop these assholes from throwing their poo!” Alas....

I left Lucky’s grocery store this morning with more money than I had walking in, and I didn’t notice until I was in the parking lot counting my change. I wanted so badly to keep walking, to be that asshole I could have been and make a meager profit from it ... but I couldn’t do it. I turned right around, more and more angry at myself with every step as I approached the cashier to tell her of the error. Despite my having entered the entertainment industry, maybe I’m just too old to be a proper asshole ... which means at the end of the day (or at this rate, rather I should say “the end of the Earth”), perhaps I don’t need to dream of the asshole I could have been. It appears the biggest a’hole is me.

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