Sasshole

Intentional asshole is failing. I was going to write about a week of my successes, but on Sunday, I returned a wallet I found on the stairs at 24 Hour Fitness to the front desk. On Monday, I told someone pulling into a nearby parking space that my meter was jammed with a quarter, thus parking was free. On Tuesday, I sent an email to Dr. Oz promoting a friend’s blog. Wednesday, I submitted a report on a smoking vehicle. Thursday, I carpooled. You get the idea.

So, I’ve decided to Monday night quarterback and see these experiences instead as half full: on Thursday, I drove rather than took public transportation thus further advancing global warming; on Wednesday, I sent some stranger at the very least a hard time with the DMV and probable expense during recession; on Tuesday, I bought into the corporate machine; on Monday, I kept revenue from the City’s cache; and on Sunday ... well, I still can’t figure out how to spin that into being an asshole somehow, but the week as a whole looks more promising in hindsight.

I’ve been sent requests to write about various asshole behavior: White people giving unwelcoming looks to people of color on “their turf” (golf course, tennis court, etc.); basketball players earning outrageous sums to throw a ball around; insurance adjusters denying legitimate claims. But I just want to summarize my week - my half empty, half full week: assholes don’t think they are being assholes. They spin their actions into benevolence.

With such fantasy, reality can never change.

So what asshole thing have you done this week? I’d follow up by asking what you’re going to do to ensure it doesn’t happen again ... but you’re an asshole. You’re going to keep on doing what you’ve always done. Aren’t we all?

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